Stares, Glares, and Smiles: Perspectives from a Black Teacher in Korea
As if you’re not worried enough about moving halfway across the world – now you’re wondering if your skin color will set off a minor shockwave in the Land of Morning Calm.
Readers often ask me whether they should even bother living in South Korea if there’s so much racism. “Will I be harassed? Will I get stared at? Will I be the only Black person?” My answer to all of these questions is: it depends.
** getting stopped by a group of Korean art students for a photo **
Truthfully, everyone will have different experiences based on individual perceptions, actions, and expectations. I can only speak for my experiences being a Black woman in South Korea. I had good days (getting hit on by a cute Korean guy) and I had bad days (getting laughed at by a group of rowdy middle school boys) and everything in between. So, take my advice with a wee grain of salt and understand that, more often than not, your attitude and degree of openness will have more to do with how you’re received than your skin color.
1) Depending on where you live, people may stare/point/laugh/scoff/touch your skin/touch your hair/ignore you, etc.
People are naturally curious. Sometimes, when I look at people for more than a few seconds, it is out of admiration for their beauty, style, overall look, or a myriad of other positive reasons. In Korea, especially outside of Seoul, minorities are an anomaly and cause for curiosity. I stopped assuming that every look in my direction was somehow malicious or judgmental. Particularly when it came to my hair, there was a sense of wonder and awe at how different my texture and styles were from Koreans’ hair. My skin color stirred equally interesting responses. But there are times, and it will be obvious, when people will show disdain for you. These people probably dislike foreigners in general though so you should not take it too personally. For me, the easiest way to deal with any inquiries was to simply smile. Though I hated feeling like some type of zoo animal/science exhibit, I allowed intensely curious folk to touch my hair or my skin occasionally and it seemed to diffuse much of the awkwardness. These were rare moments, but it was all a part of adjusting to a new culture. Remember that the adjustment is not one-sided so it is about allowing Koreans to adjust to you as well.
2) A little goes a long way
Every travel guidebook worth its salt will advise you to learn some of the local customs and language before you visit. In Korea, this is especially true. It almost seems like people will bypass your skin color if you just learn a few words of Korean. Koreans take great pride in their country, food, language and culture and by showing respect for these things, it naturally follows that you will also gain respect. There was a sandwich shop that I always visited near my apartment and everyday I’d try out a different Korean word with the women. I know I butchered their language, but I did it with sincerity and a smile – two things that will take you far in life. Had I not even tried to communicate in Korean, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t have given me all those free cans of soda. So, the lesson here is that trying can sometimes get you free stuff or, at the very least, a smile.
3) Channeling frustration
I recognize that smiles and patience run out. When one thing sets me off, it can be days before I calm down. That’s no good. So, in times like those, you need to surround yourself with people who understand and empathize with your situation – fellow foreigners. All foreign teachers in Korea should have a network, large or small, of people with whom they can relate and relax. Unloading the frustrations of your day onto attentive ears makes a world of difference in shaping your experience overseas. Also, you may find that your friends and family back home just don’t “get” what you are going through so this is why you need friends within Korea.
If you are working out in the provinces or more isolated areas, this may be more challenging, but it is not impossible. Get on message boards, attend foreigner-heavy events (such as the Boryeong Mud Festival or the Lotus Lantern Festival), and use word-of-mouth to connect to others. Your experience in Korea will be shaped as much, if not more, by the people you meet and the friends you make so nurture those relationships.
4) Misery loves company
Be wary of those foreigners who are constantly bad-mouthing everything Korean. It is okay to complain sometimes, but avoid those who constantly make derogatory remarks and/or generally hate Korea (and probably themselves). These people can be toxic to your experience abroad if their way of thinking starts seeping in. You’ll start hating Korea, too instead of exploring all that it has to offer.
5) Remember why you’re there
When all else fails, try to keep things in perspective by remembering why you wanted to come to Korea in the first place. I used to walk around with a little notepaper that listed my goals in moving to Korea – to experience a new culture, to learn a new language, to make better money, to challenge myself, to live on my own, to conquer my fear of planes, to be a stronger person, to find myself, to have fun…and the list went on. Your reasons for embarking on this new chapter are personal, but just remember them when you’re feeling down. After living in Korea for 4 months, I went back home for a visit. I was crying and dreading having to return to Korea. I missed my friends, family, and my old life. But I decided to get back on that plane because I wanted to prove to myself that I could follow through on this dream. It was the best decision I made and it totally changed the course of my life. Maybe things won’t be so dramatic for everyone, but remembering my reasons for being in Korea made me determined to see it through.
Being a minority in a homogenous society comes with its own set of challenges. You will inevitably notice your “foreignness” more and experience reactions and emotions that are unfamiliar. The key is to channel those frustrations in more productive ways. For me, I blogged and wrote in a journal. I met up with friends often and made sure to learn more about Korea whenever possible. You will find your own coping mechanisms, but ultimately, your attitude and thoughts will chart the direction of your course, not the color of you skin.
Joia
Footprints Alumni
Joia is a former ESL teacher in South Korea who is now pursuing a Master’s degree in International Relations. You can find her old blog “The Seoul of Black Folks” at http://joiasia.blogspot.com. Please send her emails – she needs any excuse to procrastinate.